A few weeks before my twenty-first birthday I ended yet another doomed relationship. Prior to dating, the guy had been one of my best friends and we had had a crush on each other since high school. After six months of nonstop drama I realized that we weren't heading in the same direction and that I didn't want to waste anymore of my life with him. The next day my parents had to have my horse (and the first boy I'd ever loved) put to sleep. I decided that if there was ever a time to drown my sorrows, this was the time. Brad texted me through several large drinks and let me vent about how frustrating it was trying to find someone with common goals. I told him my parents had set an impossibly high standard for what love was supposed to be like. My dad worked hard so my mom could stay at home with me and he still found the strength to take care of all of the yard work when he got home every night. They weren't perfect, but they were still the happiest couple I'd ever known.
I never thought that less than a year later I'd have the same relationship with him that my parents have with each other. Now that we are trying to start a family of our own I'm thinking more about the kind of values I want to teach my children about love and relationships. So here we go!
1: Gut instincts are usually right. If you feel like something is wrong, it most likely is. And if you see someone for the first time and feel like you've just seen the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, you just might.
2: Real love isn't easy. You will get angry. You will argue. Sometimes you may miss the single days when you could do whatever you want. But if it's real love, the thought of leaving is
unthinkable.
3: Real love is the easiest thing in the world: A bit contradicting, I know. But I promise, it's true. You may bicker over money or taking out the trash. But when it's real love being together comes naturally. And when the big problems hit, your partner will be the best support you have.
4: Alone time is important. Go out with your friends without your partner. Sit alone in a coffee shop and read a book. Let your partner go out with his or her friends without the guilt of leaving your behind. If you throw all of your energy into your relationship you wont have any energy left to be yourself.
5: Date night is important: I think some people feel like date night is frivolous, but it's not! My parents spent twenty years focusing on getting the bills paid and giving me a good life. I can't remember a time they did anything just for themselves. That took it's toll. After I moved out I noticed my parents taking weekend trips and going out to dinner and all of a sudden they became so much happier. Make time to appreciate your partner and your will both be happier.
6: Be polite. Don't forget your manners just because you've become comfortable with someone. Say "please" and "thank you." Don't interrupt (I need to work on this one). If you feel the urge to snap, think about what a stranger would think of you if they heard you saying whatever is trying to spill out of your mouth. Think about how you would feel if your partner said the same thing to you. Do your best to think before you speak and apologize when you slip.
7: Be strong enough to say "I'm sorry." There will be times when you simply screw up. We all do it. When that time comes, be courageous and apologize. It will go a long way. But don't let your partner make you feel like you should feel bad for simply being different. Hopefully you're gut instinct will tell you when this is happening.
