So Confused....

     Today was a really hard.  After a few days of shock and excitement, Brad drove me to the doctor's office after work to take yet another test.  After four positive home test results, I figured it the test at the hospital would give me the same result.  WRONG!  After the longest five minutes of my life, a nurse called me back and told me that the test was negative.  When I told her I had had four positive results and she looked at the date of my last period, she suggested that I call their appointment center and just tell them that I had a positive pregnancy test and need a prenatal exam.  So that's exactly what I did.  I also bought even more pregnancy tests.  I plan on taking one first thing in the morning because I think the hospital's test may have come up negative because I used the bathroom only an hour or so before hand. 
     The first few hours after leaving the hospital were very hard.  The emotional roller coaster started all over again.  Luckily, Brad is the most loving, supportive man in the world.  He helped me talk through my emotions, went on a walk with me, and then helped me start our balcony garden; and when it was all done I felt a million times better.
     So, my next doctor's appointment is on Monday.  I'll keep you  posted.
     XOXO

There's No Place Like Home....

     Hello again!
     As  I write, I am sitting in the living room of my childhood home, the home I spent almost every day of my first twenty years of life, and the home I've always dreamed of raising my children in.

     I remember trying to explain this place to Brad once, before we even  went on our first date, when he was still just the ever dependable friend who always understood what I was going through.  I had just had another bad breakup and I felt like I would never get the life I dreamed of.  I remember telling him my parents had set an impossibly high standard for love and marriage.  I remember trying to explain the life they gave me, here, in this place; far away from the city and the cars and the noise.  Just under seven acres of hills and trees and sky, sometimes it felt like a prison -- being so isolated.  But looking back, I can see the gift my parents gave me by raising me in such a beautiful place out in nature.

     Now that Brad and I are preparing to start our own family, it's become even more important to both of us that our children have the same experience I had.  My parents are planning on retiring next year and moving away, but they are talking about letting us rent half the house (which is really everything except the master suite) so that we can live our dream and they will still have a place to stay when they come down and visit.  So this visit is a big opportunity for us to show how much we care about keeping this place in the family.  My dreams grow larger with each passing minute here.  I can see myself in the garden, watering and planting and pulling weeds.  I can see my toddler watching his pumpkins and sunflowers grow the way I did when I was a kid.  I can smell the earth and see the wonder on my child's face when it's time to harvest.

     Anyway, I'm sure this is just mindless rambling to most people, but it's all I can think about lately so I thought I might share it.  Hope I didn't bore you too bad.
     XOXO